Quack Remedies of History

vanitas skull warning of death
A Capital Remedy Against the Plague.
Take a vial or another kind of glass vessel, and fill it one third with fine molasses, and the next third with Aqua Vitae, and the final third with the urine of a male baby who is clean and in good health. Combine these together well and give one glass of this to the patient to drink upon awakening each morning, for three days. This has been proven in the city of Venice, in the year 1504.

-- from "Les Secrets du Seigneur Alexis Piedmontois."

the pope's mariani wine remedy

(On Mariani Wine or Vin Mariani: a concoction of wine and cocaine that was once much beloved for its, ahem, "stimulating properties.")

Mariani Wine quickly restores health, strength, energy and vitality. Mariani Wine fortifies, strengthens, stimulates and refreshes the body and brain. Hastens convalescence, especially after influenza. His Holiness the Pope writes that he has fully appreciated benificent effects of this tonic wine, and has forwarded to Mr. Mariani as a token of his gratitude a gold medal bearing his august effigy.

For body and brain. Since thirty years all eminent physicians recommend Vin Mariani, the original French coca wine; most popularly used stimulant in hospitals, public and religious institutions everywhere. Nourshes - Fortifies - Refreshes. Strengthens entire system; most agreeable. Effective and lasting renovator of the vital forces. Every test strictly on its own merits will prove its exceptional reputation. Palatable as choices old wines.



electric insoles for healthElectric Insoles.

A boon to those with poor circulation and cold feet. If the feet are kept warm the body will be less subject to the complaints arising from colds. These Electric Insoles contain the pure polished metals arranged in such a manner that a mild pleasant current is produced along the soles of the feet, which stimulates the blood and keeps it circulating constantly. They are worn with good results for cold feet, and to keep the feet dry.


-- "Sears Roebuck and Co." 1902 catalogue




To cure a pain in the anus if it's caused by a demon:



Wormwood 1/8
Juniper berries 1/16
Honey 1/32
Sweet beer 10 ro.


Strain [after soaking together?] and drink for four days.


From An Ancient Egyptian Herbal


deadly medicine

Oyl to Cure Wounds in 24 Hours, and for a Rupture

Take common oyl six pound, oyl of firr tree one pound, choice myrrh six ounces, washt aloes, frankincense, of each six ounces, mummy two ounces, common glew six ounces, cochineal four ounces, ship pitch six ounces, gum of the sycomore tree two ounces, lees of oil two pound, of marsh mallows seven ounces; put all these into a strong glass retort, and boyl them twelve hours in a balneo: then strayn them, and add to the strained liquor dragons four handfulls, flowers of wild pomegranates, four handfulls; great comfrey with the flowers, herb and root, four handfulls; ripe dates twenty-five; St. John's wort, thorow wax, small century, shepherds purse, of each four handfulls; boyl them again in balneo eighteen hours, then set them in the sun a whole summer in a glass very well stopt. After this take all out, strain it, pressing it very hard, and to the oyl add at last beaten saffron three ounces, and boyl all together three hours, and keep this oyl for your use. If you would use this oil for a rupture, you must first shave off the hayre, then for fifteen days yuo must anoint the rupture twice every day: then bind it over with a hogs bladder and firm ligature: and you must be carefull that the patient keep his bed for fifteen days.




medicinal meat juice for health
The Quack Doctor's blog has a post all about an old-time invalid food called Valentine's Meat Juice. However, eating was apparently not the only thing it was used for:

An enema described in The Philadelphia Medical Journal in 1900 comprised one egg, one tablespoon of Valentine’s Meat-Juice, 4oz sterilised milk, ½oz. brandy, ½ tsp. salt, and 5oz of sterilised water. Two ounces of this mixture was to be administered every two hours ‘as high up in the large bowel as possible.’

The benefits to be had from this process are unclear.