Gothic Love: Goth Pickup Lines and Goth Breakup Lines

"Excuse me, sir/madame. Could I ask you, were we tortured and then burned at the stake as Agnostic Cathar Heretics by the Spanish Inquisition during intimately linked previous lives in the early 12th century?"
"Hey, is that a really long black liner in your pocket or do you carry your own brand of black current all of the time?"
"Go out with me or I'll kill us both."
"You've stolen my heart away. Luckily, I've got another three or four in the freezer."
"You should come home with me. We match."
"Wow. That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer, huh."
"Nice boots, wanna meaningful relationship?"
"Tell me, is your heart as cold and black as your eyes?"
"What do you think of the principles of Sacred Geometry with respect to Gothic Architecture?"
"You're cute. Mind if I use you so I can impress my friends?"
"Pardon me, but would you mind if I looked down your pants for a sec?"
"Are you neurotic, too?"
"Excuse me, but your veil is caught in my handcuffs..."
"I'd kill myself for you, I'd kill you for myself."
"Hi, I'm a necrophiliac. How well can you play dead?"
"What's a nice goth like you doing in a place like this?"
"My body is a temple -- take me home and desecrate me!"
"The colour of your eyes remind me of the window cleaner I drink to cleanse my soul...[grab person]... CLEANSE ME!!"
"I ask for so little. Just let me rule you, and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."
"I have been dreaming of you, and writing erotic fantasies about you for the entire year since we met. Will you come and sit with me and let me tell you one of them?"
"Want to be my Master for the night?"
"Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder."
"Got a light? No? Well, then I'll just have to hold this clove cigarette up against you because you're hotter than the Inferno itself!"
"Your hair is the color of my soul."
"Hi, I seemed to have misplaced my black lipstick, can I borrow some off your mouth?"
"Your pants are so shiny, I can see myself in them."

What self-respecting goth needs a pickup line? Life is pain! Here's a selection of goth breakup lines:

"You make me too happy. Go away."

"You're not weird enough."

"You have no more t-shirts I want to borrow."

"Ummm... I just realised something about my sexuality"

"Monogamy, what's that?"

"Will you marry me?"

"What? We're a couple?"

"Hmmm.. I thought you'd be dead by now."

"I much prefer coffee"

"I've been feeling a bit strange lately."

"You just look better than me in my skirts."

"I was hoping we could just go back to being enemies..."

"I'm really sorry, hon. But either we break up, or one of us dies."

"It's just not going to work. You're human, and I'm not."

"My parents don't hate you as much as I hoped they would."

"You're just too nice. More like a friend than a lover."

"You're not evil enough for me to have a serious relationship with."

"You have my permission to see other people if you want."

"I can't date anyone who has never heard of George Carlin."

"I can't go out with you because I actually like you."

"I know that breaking up will mean the death of us both"

"Would it upset you terribly if we were just . . . friends with benefits?"

"No, we're not going to break up."

"You bore me."

"You wore pink last Tuesday. Get out of my sight."

"You're actually starting to cheer me up."

"You don't like sex on gravestones?"

"You gave me live flowers, how tacky."

"You want to do what? Bowling?!"

"I think your an embarrassment to me and the rest of humankind, fucking hippie!"

"By the way, we broke up. About two months ago. I forgot to tell you."

"I love you but I want to date 3 other people to be sure if this is right for me."

"You don't have any more clothes that I want to borrow."

"I think we need to have a talk about you and I... You are aware that there is no You and I.

"No, you aren't really a vampire."

Paper-in-Shoe Spells

A popular and very traditional hoodoo spell, often used for any situation where you need to control someone with magic , is the namepaper-in-shoe spell. It's very easy: you write the target's name 3, 7, or 9 times on a paper (depending on intent and who's giving instruction) then fold it up, sometimes after dressing it with oils or powders, then put it in your shoe. This "keeps the person underfoot" or "stomps out the trouble" or "puts pressure on them" or any other number of metaphors. I have had this work several times over the years. In one instance, I was working for a very unpleasant boss, on a short-term job. It was the last day, and I only had about 3 hours of work left on the project; and I wanted him to up my pay for the day since it almost wasn't worth the trip across town for the amount he was paying me, for only 3 hours. He was very reluctant. So I wrote his name 3 times on a 5-dollar bill he'd given me, and dusted it...

Perfume, Cologne, and Its Use In Hoodoo

The original recipe for cologne was reputedly given to St. Elizabeth of Hungary by an angel -- the concoction was known as "Hungary Water" and was used primarily as a medicine, rather than just a mere fragrance. Charles Godfrey Leland remarked that it therefore was appropriate hoodoo practitioners would use such a substance for feeding their conjure bags and other talismans. The term cologne actually comes from a later preparation, Cologne Water (named for the German city.) The original Cologne Water is a spirit-citrus perfume launched in 1709 by Giovanni Maria Farina (1685–1766), an Italian perfume maker from Santa Maria Maggiore Valle Vigezzo, Italy. In 1708, Farina wrote to his brother Jean Baptiste: "I have found a fragrance that reminds me of an Italian spring morning, of mountain daffodils and orange blossoms after the rain". He named his fragrance Cologne Water, in honour of his new hometown. The Original Cologne Water composed by Farina was used on...

Hoodoo Magic Herb List - Hoodoo Online's Handy Guide for DIY Spells

Acacia - keep away evil Adam and Eve root - good luck, especially in love Adam root (from an Adam and Eve) - to hold a man’s love Alfalfa leaves or seeds - to make money last Allspice – for success, money drawing and for good luck Aloeswood - good fortune, spirit contact Angelica root - protection from harm Anise seed - against evil eye Asafoetida - prevents disease and keeps away police Ash leaves - for luck in love affairs Balm of Gilead buds - reconciliation, protection from jinxes Basil - against evil; for purification, for luck-bringing, and for money drawing Bay Leaves – protection from evil; victory and success Bayberry - money drawing, luck drawing Betel nut - protection and luck Bistort - for good luck Bloodroot - protection, job-getting, luck Blue flag root - money drawing Buckeye root - success in any undertaking Buckeye/Chestnut/Horse chestnut - for good luck and protection Burdock - protection Calendula - make dreams come true, prevent nightmares Cara...

Spiritual Use of Turpentine in Hoodoo and Witchcraft

I have posted in the past about the use of giving one's bedding a spiritual cleansing from time to time. I recently was laundering my pillows in the same load of laundry as some turpentine-soaked rags, with the result that the pillows emerged from the wash reeking of turpentine. From a magical perspective, this may not be a bad thing. Turpentine is used in old-time hoodoo rituals for purposes such as uncrossing, protection and sometimes as a feed for mojo bags. Its solvent powers and strong odor do indeed suggest a powerful spiritual cleansing agent, and it is still used in some modern day cleaning products on a purely practical level for these same reasons. Old time medicines sometimes included turpentine as a thing to drink, in small doses. A book from the 1850s, The Domestic Medicine Chest , recommends giving it to children in a dose of one teaspoon for killing tapeworm. Relatedly, in old time hoodoo cures for "live things" turpentine might be made into a tea...

The Intranquil Spirit

(EDIT: Up to date information about the Intranquil Sprit can be found in my book The Intranquil Spirit , available on Amazon. This post has some incomplete information which is clarified in the book.) The Intranquility spell is, unfortunately, the first resort of many a rejected lover. In some ways it makes sense -- the more unhappy and forlorn one is about a breakup, the better this idea of making the other partner feel just as much so starts to sound. Unfortunately, this spell is often not well suited to a case. The purpose of the standard Intranquility spell is to have the person be tormented by the spirit until they make contact with you, or whomever the spell is being cast for. This means that if a person is already in good contact with their ex OR if they're one of those people who cannot restrain themselves from initiating contact, then this already is probably not the right spell for that case. If you've had an Intranquility spell cast and you make contac...

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