Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Gothic Love: Goth Pickup Lines and Goth Breakup Lines

  • "Excuse me, sir/madame. Could I ask you, were we tortured and then burned at the stake as Agnostic Cathar Heretics by the Spanish Inquisition during intimately linked previous lives in the early 12th century?"
  • "Hey, is that a really long black liner in your pocket or do you carry your own brand of black current all of the time?"
  • "Go out with me or I'll kill us both."
  • "You've stolen my heart away. Luckily, I've got another three or four in the freezer."
  • "You should come home with me. We match."
  • "Wow. That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer, huh."
  • "Nice boots, wanna meaningful relationship?"
  • "Tell me, is your heart as cold and black as your eyes?"
  • "What do you think of the principles of Sacred Geometry with respect to Gothic Architecture?"
  • "You're cute. Mind if I use you so I can impress my friends?"
  • "Pardon me, but would you mind if I looked down your pants for a sec?"
  • "Are you neurotic, too?"
  • "Excuse me, but your veil is caught in my handcuffs..."
  • "I'd kill myself for you, I'd kill you for myself."
  • "Hi, I'm a necrophiliac. How well can you play dead?"
  • "What's a nice goth like you doing in a place like this?"
  • "My body is a temple -- take me home and desecrate me!"
  • "The colour of your eyes remind me of the window cleaner I drink to cleanse my soul...[grab person]... CLEANSE ME!!"
  • "I ask for so little. Just let me rule you, and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."
  • "I have been dreaming of you, and writing erotic fantasies about you for the entire year since we met. Will you come and sit with me and let me tell you one of them?"
  • "Want to be my Master for the night?"
  • "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder."
  • "Got a light? No? Well, then I'll just have to hold this clove cigarette up against you because you're hotter than the Inferno itself!"
  • "Your hair is the color of my soul."
  • "Hi, I seemed to have misplaced my black lipstick, can I borrow some off your mouth?"
  • "Your pants are so shiny, I can see myself in them."

What self-respecting goth needs a pickup line? Life is pain! Here's a selection of goth breakup lines:

"You make me too happy. Go away."

"You're not weird enough."

"You have no more t-shirts I want to borrow."

"Ummm... I just realised something about my sexuality"

"Monogamy, what's that?"

"Will you marry me?"

"What? We're a couple?"

"Hmmm.. I thought you'd be dead by now."

"I much prefer coffee"

"I've been feeling a bit strange lately."

"You just look better than me in my skirts."

"I was hoping we could just go back to being enemies..."

"I'm really sorry, hon. But either we break up, or one of us dies."

"It's just not going to work. You're human, and I'm not."

"My parents don't hate you as much as I hoped they would."

"You're just too nice. More like a friend than a lover."

"You're not evil enough for me to have a serious relationship with."

"You have my permission to see other people if you want."

"I can't date anyone who has never heard of George Carlin."

"I can't go out with you because I actually like you."

"I know that breaking up will mean the death of us both"

"Would it upset you terribly if we were just . . . friends with benefits?"

"No, we're not going to break up."

"You bore me."

"You wore pink last Tuesday. Get out of my sight."

"You're actually starting to cheer me up."

"You don't like sex on gravestones?"

"You gave me live flowers, how tacky."

"You want to do what? Bowling?!"

"I think your an embarrassment to me and the rest of humankind, fucking hippie!"

"By the way, we broke up. About two months ago. I forgot to tell you."

"I love you but I want to date 3 other people to be sure if this is right for me."

"You don't have any more clothes that I want to borrow."

"I think we need to have a talk about you and I... You are aware that there is no You and I.

"No, you aren't really a vampire."

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