Sunday, November 10, 2013

Love Advice both Practical and Spiritual

Cracked.com's list of Ways You Sabotage Your Love Life:
According to one recent poll, a whopping 73 percent of single Americans in their 20s believe in the idea of a soul mate [...] But the problem with soul mate relationships is that they never live up to the golden, glowing statue we've built in our heads. While couples are obviously capable of meeting and instantly having an intense connection, eventually problems are going to arise in the relationship, mostly because keeping intensity going for long periods of time is exhausting. It's easy to think, "If we were truly soul mates, we wouldn't have any problems at all. This person is obviously a product of Satan's mocking design." At that point, individuals who believe in soul mates are more likely to check out.
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-you-sabotage-your-love-life-explained-by-science/#ixzz2hrbBpo9G

Beyond the Cracked article, there are many errors people make when thinking they have love when really they don't:
*Mistaking lust for love. Sexual connection is important but it's not the only thing to base a relationship on. This includes situations like -- staying with someone only because they're very good at sex even if the rest of their behavior is distant or even abusive, or pining for someone you think is good looking but who you've little to no social connection toward.  
*Meeting someone while traveling or when otherwise not expected to stay in touch, granting a brief window of apparent relationship perfection that allows you to feel like they were made for you without actually getting to know the person at all. 
*Meeting someone with whom you interact very little, such that the majority of your thoughts and ideas about them are based on your own imaginings instead of actual observations and experiences, allowing you to over-idealize.  
*Getting attention or praise from someone you perceive as being generally one of your Betters, such that you feel honored for getting that bit of their time and want more, regardless whether they actually have any strong affection or interest in you.   
*Having shared interests or experiences, especially if it's hard to find others that connect in this way. This allows bonding but might not be adequate to really base a relationship upon.   Think of that Golden Girls episode where Sophia marries her dead husband's old business partner, and soon realizes that the only thing they have in common is they both really liked her dead husband and talk about him all the time.
*Meeting someone who fits your criteria for an "ideal" partner, even if it only was a good idea on paper and actually isn't so pretty in person. Example: one woman who did the old 'write a list of traits for your ideal partner' trick, found him, but discovered her 'traits' had pretty much all been about financial position and she'd neglected to say anything about his personality, which her "ideal" man was lacking.  
*A relationship made or being prolonged for social reasons rather than the actual happiness of the parties involved. This might include the old "staying together for the sake of the kids" or a couple founded because both parties merely didn't have many other options than each other (as in a small town.)  
*Abusive relationships where the abusee gets torn down by the abuser only for the abuser to build her back up again with much care and praise; causing the abusee to associate the good feeling of being soothed with her abusive partner, while forgetting it was he who caused the problem in the first place.  
*Seeing potential in another person and thinking with enough care or love they can become their best. This isn't a bad thing to want per se, but recognize it's often a subconscious effort to control another into doing what you want and to justify it to yourself, rather than offering an honest nurturing of their qualities.  
*Excitement -- as from a relationship that's forbidden, or where you can't quite tell how the person feels so any occasional affection or attention becomes a huge rush.

Many a Love Magic Spell gets cast on behalf of one of these scenarios mistaken for True Love and as a sign that someone is Intended. If you've been doing love magic spells that have failed over and over, think if perhaps love is not what the situation is really about...

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